Saturday, August 14, 2010

You May Not Remember Me, But...

I think it's safe to say I've failed at blogging. It's been nearly two months since my last post. Nearly two months of telling myself I'd write a post during E's nap, or after he's in bed, or tomorrow. But somehow I never found the energy, and now here I am. Bad blogger.

In many ways, blogging has been a wonderful blessing for me. It's gotten my writing muscles back in shape and given me the space to re-form my writing habit. It's allowed me to connect with some truly interesting and insightful women, and it's pushed me to think about my life in new ways. At the end of the day, however, my introverted tendencies seem to be winning out. As much as I've gained from blogging, it has had costs as well. The energy that I put into blogging was energy not available to be expended elsewhere.

For me, one of the best things about blogging has also been the worst. The immediacy of blogging gave me the gratification of being able to write and put it out there without any lag time, but that same immediacy also required the ability to sustain a certain pace. Keeping up that pace with my own blog, reading and commenting on other blogs, seemed to "use up" all my writing energy. What I started for fun, as a way to make some connections with other women in a situation similar to mine, seemed more and more to be pulling me away from my primary goals - developing a book length writing project and working on getting my essays published. More and more, I found myself blogging instead of doing the work I'd set out to do on any given day, and as much fun as blogging is, that didn't make me feel good.

I have such admiration for all the women who write amazing blogs while raising children, working, and attending to all the other details of life. I'm particularly grateful to Jana at An Attitude Adjustment for introducing me to this community by offering me the opportunity to guest post on her blog. I wish I could strike the balance that would allow me to include blogging in my life, but for right now, I know that the right choice for me is to give myself permission to let the blog go. I don't know if I'll be back or not, but I wish everyone the best, and I am truly thankful for everyone who took the time to read and comment on my blog. It's meant so much to me, and on more than one crappy, rainy, stuck in the house with a wild 3 year old kind of day, those comments have turned my mood and my day around.